February 28, 2011

Starting Over - A Place to Fall

It was over 10 months ago that my dear husband passed away. At the time of my last post, we were cleaning out and packing up the house, preparing to move out of state to avoid foreclosure on our house. We had both lost our jobs two years before that, the poor economy in CA hit us hard. Dear husband became increasingly more ill due to complications from diabetes and kidney failure. I was unable to find work, as the stress of caring for him and keeping house and home together consumed my mind and time. Our plan was to move out, sell the house and settle down where our savings and retirement monies would go further. But God had other plans.

Wrapping up a person's estate here on earth is no easy task. Besides mourning their loss and missing them terribly, there's a lot of paperwork to handle and phone calls to make. I also had to keep packing and moving along toward the goal of selling the house. It was physically and emotionally exhausting. By God's grace, I was able to get through it. I praise Him for supplying my every need for help when I needed it most. Good friends from my church and my neighbors were willing to help me pack, clean, hold garage sales, take stuff to the dump and Goodwill, brought food, money, advice, fellowship, and expertise in specific areas to fix up the house to sell.

Our daughter and granddaughter lived with us, so they were also grieving the loss of "daddy" and "Bumpa". Our son lived out of the house and because of work and school, could not go with us.

Then we had to say goodbye to my son, my mom, my brothers and other family members, my husband's family, long-time friends, our church family, wonderful neighbors; a real heart wrenching time for all of us. Words cannot even begin to explain how hard that was. I lived 50 years in one city, my kids were born there.

But God...

He had places ready for us to fall. My family in WA opened their hearts and homes to share. I live with my sis and her husband on 5 acres in the country, surrounded by trees, very rural, not far from beautiful Puget Sound. My daughter and granddaughter live with my niece and her large family on 2-1/2 acres at the end of the long driveway. We are close by one another, but it is still hard not to be together as a family as we know it.

Starting over....

Jesus Christ, my Lord, is my husband now, in a truer sense. He showed me the promise in
Isaiah 54:4-5
"Fear not; you will no longer live in shame.
Don't be afraid, there is no more disgrace for you.
You will no longer remember the shame of your youth and the sorrows of widowhood.
For your Creator will be your husband.
The Lord of Heaven's Armies is His name!
He is your Redeemer, the Holy One of Israel, the God of all the earth."

He is the one to whom I go for direction, for comfort and peace. He has never failed me in all the many years I've known Him. His grace is sufficient for me. He is ever faithful to ensure I'm still His and filled with His righteousness, comfort and strength.

So here I am, not my will, but His. Learning to accept His will, that sometimes seems a bit foreign, and to trust that He knows what is best for me and my family is an everyday discipline and choice that I must make when I wake each day and go to sleep at night.

With my husband's estate finally winding to a close, paperwork and phone calls less and less, I can look to the future a little clearer. An uncertain journey, this unexpected event, being single, alone, starting over.

By God's grace and in His timing, I'll be able to do this.

Marilyn ♥